I trip over my health a lot. When something is abnormal or if I notice something odd about my body I blow a storm through Google search just to see what may be the matter. Most of the time it isn’t anything, but I trip over my health enough that I can make a list of shit that I googled. Lol. But all that I remember for now are:
-bony lump by rib cage
And idk I just really wanna take good care of my body. I just really want to make sure I’m okay, that my body is normal… Idk
I couldn’t ask for a better way to end my break. Being able to spend the night with all of my brothers means everything to me. Everyone was so busy today but I’m glad we all found the time to meet up tonight and just have a nice sit-down. We talked over a lot, mostly what we’ve all been up to as of lately and what our futures have in stored for us. Of course we see each often I guess you can say, but the last time we were all able to just chill with only the brothers, well… Honestly that was like last year before Brendan even went to boot camp. It feels good to be reassured that no matter how much we all get caught up with our own lives, we all have each other through the thick and the thin. I’m happy. I’m happy they’re all doing well and it’s rare for all 6 of us to be together, and it’s extremely rare for it to be just us. But we’ve agreed on taking one day off for all of us to go paintballing. Although it won’t be soon (because we’re not going until like August or September) it’s nice to know that we’re going to make it happen. And until then, the winds of life are blowing us into our own directions so for now we need to walk our own pathes. But I am very very happy.
I also love seeing the changes throughout the days and seeing how much my perspective alters and how much I… evolve I can say. I enjoy writing and find myself spending leisure time by writing or by reflecting. They kinda go hand in hand, also coupled with the fact that I suppress unfamiliar emotions inside of me until I can communicate with a friend in a way that seems to be lucid for them. And, I guess for me, just writing and reading helps me with the mental, and helps with self understanding too. In regards to school starting up again, I kinda wanna join the poetry club Ms. Chohan created because I love her as a teacher and a mentor, not to forget that she may be one of the more influential professors at my school.
Today I also caught up with Kayssie, despite the mixed vibe I previously received from her the last time we saw each other, it was a nice couple of hours that we spent together to talk about things. It was funny, at the end of the day when I dropped her off to chill with her friends, I forgot to get my swisher and the rest of the Cookie Monster shake in her bag. We were both like “Oh, wait, haha, okay..” Then I said later to her and that was about it. Not gonna let myself think about it too much, let alone anymore at all. I am straightforward with her though and I still get a mixed vibe so I’m taking Traci’s advice and just letting things play out. Focus focus focus. I refuse let myself be distracted. I don’t want any mixed vibes or anything to hinder me from doing what I wanna do. Ambition and perseverance require a lot of mental strength and I can’t do anything to strain the brain, you know? Can’t let myself go insane in the membrane.
Im very happy that all my friends are focusing on their shit. This past week I’ve seen that my friends are on the grind and are looking too bigger and better things. I enjoy talking about the future with my friends and can’t wait for it to be more than words, more than a dream. I want to do my best to continue to motivate and inspire them to persevere and achieve what they wish. As for me, I’m going to strive for the best in myself because I haven’t pushed myself to my limits and I know there is a mass amount of potential within me. Working out again is one way I started to progress my growth just as a regular human. I’m really tryna expand it into other situations with life, just like how Norman shot me some words of wisdom about Street Fighter and I kinda transcended it into more worldly knowledge. I still love video games, I still love to smoke, I still love to rage but priorities are priorities and I guess here is where I go to show how my mentality is switching up entering my new quarter of school and another new chapter to life.
I just want this break to be over already. I just want to be back into school with a fresh start so I can really just focus on school, and work too. I’m tired of endless distractions, feeling like I waste my days, and mostly having too much to think about. I don’t really know who to talk to or what to say. I just don’t feel right and I kinda just don’t wanna feel anything at all